Business Management Personal Statement Example 4

Throughout my life there has been this reoccurring scene in which my father convenes a family meeting, usually on a Sunday evening. By the next morning, we always find ourselves busily packing for yet another international move. I am not complaining though. Far from it! In addition to having acquired five languages and a broad world-view of various cultural traditions, I developed a keen interest in the financial and managerial aspect of our daily lives, as I began developing relationships with various family members and professional in the field who held important positions in various respectable companies.

Being young, dreams of one day running a business were frequently replaced by the prospect of becoming a professional athlete in tennis, rugby or volleyball; as I played competitively and was highly motivated by my personal trainers in each sport. However, I was never able to forget business, as studying the course could be my best chance to utilize all that I had learnt throughout my growing and diverse experiences around the world.

As I made my way through middle school, and entered ninth grade, I was given the opportunity to come in contact with the subject in Business Studies class. In this course, I found myself fascinated by the many economical aspects of business, the managerial portion of businesses, and my personal favorite, the bases of entrepreneurship. In this section of the course, the class took part in simulation websites that replicate the stock market and was required to create our own in-school business to raise money for charity; the business I created, not only sold the most popsicles, but achieved a net profit of 350 Euros in one month, due to my very low overhead costs that derived from the application of managerial and economical economies of scale.

I proceeded with the course until I began the IB programme, which allowed me to further specialize in the subject by taking IB Business at Higher Level.

As a result of my very time costly IB schedule, I found myself with very little to no free time, as I consumed every available hour with extracurricular activities; activities such as a BP Oil internship in business; a Global Young Leaders conference; the student council presidency at my high school; a service trip to Ghana, where we built homes for the less fortunate; business chats with various entrepreneurs and CEOs/FEOs such Carlos Brito, the Chief Executive Officer of Anheuser-Busch (InBEV/ AmBEV); undergraduate preparatory courses for university; and of course, feeding the old business news-junky habit. These were all activities of which I am very proud of having accomplished and which I believe allowed my free-time to be used very in a wise and enjoyable way.

In spite of the tight schedule that I keep, being well-rounded is important to me, so I persuade myself to relax by competing in National or International tennis tournaments, participating in the school's varsity teams, and following a fitness programme in order to maintain peak fitness levels. I value my social, as I very much enjoy my friends who allow me to express myself and otherwise decompress. Frankly, there is nothing like a Sunday barbecue with friends to prepare one for the academic challenges of the coming week.

After completing university, I hope to have acquired the necessary knowledge base and wisdom to first acquire a top-notch MBA degree and then take part in a respectable company where I will continue to evolve personally and as a businessman. In time, I hope to be behind the unraveling of the crisis that is currently relapsing our economy, and I hope to one day be the owner of my own successful business, where I will have the opportunity to provide my family with a secure and prospering home environment, similar to or better than that of my own.

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This personal statement was written by YannS for application in 2010.


Statement rating:****


someone please comment.

could someone please give me some feed back?


i would consider removing the second paragraph as it doesn't, in my opinion, add anything to this personal statement.
I would also remove "As I made my way through middle school, and entered 9th grade" with "In 9th grade....I chose business as an elective module". Generally I feel a lot of what you have said can be simplified - you can always add more complex vocabulary is certainly a good place to start though!

i really learned something

i really learned something from your personal statement because i am going to write one myself

after finishing the 3rd

after finishing the 3rd paragraph i thought.... wow this is the sh**! good job




I like this statement, espesially the part about your childhood with your lizard, Larry

Hiya, I think you have

Hiya, I think you have definately got a lot to offer there, good luck to you :D
Perhaps you would benefit from being a little more subtle i.e the paragraph that explains how you like to be 'well-rounded'. I am sure using a synonym/re-wording would achieve this subtlety.


There really isn't much to say except that you've done a brilliant job on this personal statement.

I wish you the very best in everything!

very good

i think its greta. really interesting and well written.

very good

i think its great. really interesting and well written.

This to me looks excellent!,

This to me looks excellent!, well done, and you seam to have prepared for the corse you want to do, I hope you have no problem getting in.
I am studying business studies and although I like it I would consider revising some of the business terms, as to a teacher they may seam like you were trying to cram technical terms in withought full understanding. I am being very picky here, but I wouldn't say you gained managerial economies of scale in a class prodject, this generally refers to large businesses being able to aford expensive managers and therfore performing better, this is unlikely in a class prodject and slipping in some terms such as maslows pyramid, or taylors theory of managment here might look better.
hope this is of some help

Um there's a mistake in the

Um there's a mistake in the first paragraph - the word is recurring not reoccurring:) Otherwise fantastic



It's excellent

Don't remove the second paragraph. It's important as it shows how motivated you are to have a career in busines

I've been in the same

I've been in the same situation as you in respects to moving to different countries due to my dads business, and your 1st paragraph is absolutely spot on well done


nice PS, considering you learnt English only recently. i' applying for 2010 too.
i would remove the 2nd para as it gives an impression u r not totally focused on a career in business and are having second thoughts oin what u want to do.
also the part you talk about being with your friends, you should improve your english to maybe something like - i enjoy my social life because my friends' company helps to unwind...

which unis are you thinking of applying to?
good luck

well what can i say? one of

well what can i say? one of the best PS i have e

I thought it was good. 4/5

I thought it was good. 4/5

One of the things that I found very annoying was when you, inadvertently most likely, mentioned how fortunate you are to have money. Private sports coaches for all those sports, 5 languages etc etc.

You ultimately came across as arrogant, but knowledgeable.

i think it's good, but there

i think it's good, but there are some things you might reconsider: firstly, there are a few informal expressions that really should be in a PS, such a top notch or junky. secondly, despite an impressive list of extracurricular activities, you didn't write anything about the skills and aptitudes that you acquired from performing these activities. i suggest that you narrow the list and explain what you gained from a certain experience, universities are keen on seeing your abilities rather than a list of achievements that might or might not mean something. thirdly, you should perhaps organize the essay better, each paragraph concerning a certain idea, expressed in the first sentence of the paragraph then explained thoroughly.
i hope this advice would prove useful and good luck with your application.

i am sorry, in the above

i am sorry, in the above commentary i meant to say informal expressions that SHOULDN"T be in a PS


this story was thrilling! such aspiration! your story starts so sad :( a neglectful father that stopped you from making any friends because of constant moves away from home as you were chased down by several governments. An explosive battle with duncan bannatyne and a happy ending as you were reunited with larry the lizard! god bless you larry.

Good but theres room for

Good but theres room for improvement ( a lot )

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