Adult Nursing Personal Statement

After graduating from Northeastern University with a Bachelor of Science in Business Administration, my first job was with Enterprise Rent-A-Car as a management trainee.

I had not really thought about a career path because I expected my BS and my internship would lead to a successful career in the computer industry.

After several months with Enterprise Rent-A-Car, I realised that this job was not what I had expected. I needed a career in an industry that had longevity, security, and an opportunity to grow and develop my strengths. Each morning became more difficult to wake up and go to work.

I realised that my happiest moments were when I saw the expression on customers’ faces after helping them thought a tough situation. After a few months, I decided that I needed a more fulfilling career.

I took a job at SunLife Financial as an administrative coordinator. Working at SunLife Financial for the past year has made me come to realise that I have a passion for helping people that isn’t being satisfied, because I don’t interact with many people.

After carefully researching other career opportunities and speaking with family members and friends. I came to the realization that Nursing would best suit my compassion and innate desire to help people.

My sister is the most influential person in my life. As a nurse for the past six years, I have watched and heard her excel in her career; each day we talk, she describe what her patient did that day and how today was better than yesterday, a very rewarding and successful career and she truly enjoys her job.

After speaking with her regarding my career goal, she convinced me that since I enjoy helping people, being a nurse will fit my personality.

I am confident that I will achieve my goal of becoming a nurse. Through my vast array of knowledge and conversations with my sister and other nurses; I am certain that I possess the requisite commitment and stamina to meet the challenge of your curriculum.

I am highly aware of the superb reputation of your school, and my conversations with several of your alumni have served to deepen my interest in attending Simmons. I know that your excellent faculty is among the best in the state. I hope you will give me the privilege of continuing my studies at your fine institution.

Profile info

This personal statement was written by kufreanaka for application in 2006.

kufreanaka's Comments

I like what I have written so far, Since I don't have any experience relating to the field, I have the knowledge. I like the part that I talk about my sister and I also want a strong intro to capture the reader. I need a strong conclusion.

Ratings

Statement rating:***

Comments

TOO MUCH INFO REGARDING

TOO MUCH INFO REGARDING PREVIOUS WORK. NEEDS TO OPEN WITH THE CANDIDATES PASSION FOR NUSRING.

OK

Well Done! It's one fo the worst tasks to complete. I thought that you made a good effort. However thre was a bit too much information on your previous occupations and not on the personal qualities and skills you have to offer.
Did you get into Simmons?

very impressive... keep it up

Its really good and it shows knowledge about the nursing field!

Really good

Welldone, I know its so hard to get it right and i feel you have caputured it all in this one!!

not very good

im sorry, but i have to say i don't think this is well written atal, i agree it is hard to put a personal statement together but you have not given sufficient reasons as to what aspects of the job interests you, and your previous work experience doesn't help the situation. You need to sell yourself!.... the end part is all too vague.

why do you want to be a nurse

why do you want to be a nurse?
what experience do you have to back this up?
what interests you about nursing?
what specific feild of nursing do youwant to work in?

not v.gud?

what about passion to help and suppourt people, positive criticism here!

needs more work

you haven't stated what type of nursing you want go into, nor have you related you personal skills with the nursing profession. you have mention how nursing has benefited your sister, so how will it benefit you. what do you have to offer??? my suggestion to you is to speak to your sister and ask her to help you redraft your statement

i think you need to start

i think you need to start again , sorry. to me this statement came across to be quite negative. dont say you didn't like the job. say something like i need something more challenging and that nursing offers this. mention new skills you aim to require and skills you have to offer from uni, and work experience. start the statement with what made you want to do nursing. i like the bit where u have mentioned about your sister and that its rewarding but think of other things that are personal to you. how you would conclude is by mentioning you intentions and what you aim get for doing this course

You need to say more about

You need to say more about your qualities in this personal statement. You already have a BA and you have barely mentioned what you achieved through such a commitment? Further insight, more extra curricular interests and a more reflective atitude overall will bring this good effort up to the level which will allow you to sell yourself indefinitely

have a statement for someone

have a statement for someone coming directly from school

It seemed like you were just

It seemed like you were just telling them what they wanted to hear. Talk about your sister less, talk about your career less, talk about your passion more. You use the statement "I came to realize" about 10 times. Also, I would use less negative language (as in, "this wasn't fulfilling" becomes "nursing would fulfill a need that suchandsuch hasn't")

guest

its rubbish, its doesn't talk about passion it talks with fancy words with no thought

Applicant seems perfect for

Applicant seems perfect for nursing which is shown in the personal statement, very personal and appropriate.

this has no passion for

this has no passion for nursing at all. A word of advice, cut all the stuff about past jobs and write it all about nursing as that is what you have applied for!! If you have worked before just mention it with the team work skills and social skills and also communication. If you want to be a nurse you need to show this. I also dont think that the sister thing should be mentioned, you want to do this for you and to benefit peoples lives, not because your sister likes doing it.

A good start...

As the title says a good start but from advice given to me.... do not be negative in anyway! For example the job wasn't for you but you gained -x- skills that you can take with you and it would help you because.... etc.... also include information about yourself not just your ambition you need to make yourself sound interesting its not just about justifying why you'd make a good nurse. hth

I think it is ok, but could

I think it is ok, but could be better. You need to talk less about your past jobs and more about nursing. You also need to talk less about your sister, this is about you not her. It does help knowing how it effects her but again, its about you. You need to state what field of nursing you want to go into (child, adult, mental health or general). You need to sell yourself and mention about work experience you have in relation to nursing. For example doing work experience in a school or nursing home.

Good but...

you emphasize too much on your past career and not on what you have to offer. needs more info on your abilities you have!

.....

i know this isnt am english essay but you should have used grammar checker or something because i had trouble understanding your statement it was distracting to see your poor english instead of doing nursing maybe you should take up engish . bye bye

ok-ish

well i think it was a good try, but try not to write a lot about your sister being a nurse, but you could say that she is your role model or something? And also i notice whilst i was reading this, that it was very negative about your last job. There is a lot of "arse licking" of the university, if you was applying for one single uni i think it would be ok, but if not then change it because the uni's know you'll probably apply to more than one uni. but this comment is a bit delayed if your appling for 2006 n i hope u got in :) x

Did u get into university

Did u get into university with that personal statement? I think your talking about your previous employment and how it wasn't fulfilling would make somebody doubt your dedication. As for talking with your sister and other nurses, how does this make you a good candidate? I think if you had actually done some work in this field either paid or as a voluntary it would have made you more credible. What have you said that would convince someone you have the ability and drive to complete this course?

Claire says

Very good! i bet u did get in2 Uni didnt u! U have been a gr8 help! x

really good

really good

not working

your talking toooooooo much about the jobs youve had in the past and the people reading it are going to get bored you need to say more about your skills and hobbies etc

this was ok as a first draft.

this was ok as a first draft. As a student writing my own personal statement i know its difficult ive done mine 4 times and its still not right i think you have more to offer thenjust your past qualifications. i hope all went well

From start to finish you had

From start to finish you had me interested. That is what a personal statement is all about. You clearly demonstrated awareness of the nursing career and stated how rewarding this career would be to you. Well done.

"..... vast array of

"..... vast array of knowledge....." ? Does the person NEED a place at University?

all you did was say how good

all you did was say how good simmons was,flattery doesnt help get you in.i think its good you included things about your past qualifications as it would make them suspicous why you kept it secret although your c.v wasnt needed.

good effort

hey guys be a little considerate with this person. if "helping and supporting poeple is not enough reason to get into the health care industry, then i'm not sure if you all undertstand what nursing is about.
my guess is that this person has made a good decision by choosing nursing as a career if you think about how far he/she has come.

Nice statement from wesley

Nice statement from wesley

very good

informs why she would like to be a nurse as she enjoys helping people. a lot of negative criticism from others for no reason. very interesting

the statement has helped me

the statement has helped me to write mine for nursing. I think its good that you have explained your passion via your sister but maybe not as much, don't go into her uni etc... i think its quite good and some of the other comments are rather brash

thankyou for your help :)

My favourite comment here is

My favourite comment here is the idiot that protests as follows:

"I don't like this atal since it it's full of grammatical errors".

Is that a fact 'atal'?

Spaz

Really lousy. Distracts from

Really lousy. Distracts from the main points.

i think this one is the best,

i think this one is the best, its the most personal and its short. not dragging on about everything they have done, but focusing on how great they will be as a nurse. :)

GOOD

well done, your statement is honest and to the point.

GOOD

well done, your statement is honest and to the point.

I am very sorry to say that i

I am very sorry to say that i can never short list this application for interview.It does not interest me, i have read better ones. The writer should read comments made by people and improve on his writing skills.

Helpful

The comments made on this statement has really helped me in writing my own, many thanks!!

Not good :(

first of all, you have no sense of direction. your introduction shows that you're a career hopper, and does not suggest that you had a purpose in Nursing. second, your sister is a failure in the nursing career... how the hells can she speak about her clients when she gets home? Did she learn about HIPPA? this is not Good. sorry

bad bad BAD!!!

sorry m8 this is siht

"oh no i am choking on a million diks" - u

kDNfylXETU

I loved your blog post.Really looking forward to read more. Much obliged.

personal stetment

I read trough your personal statement and fine lots of ideas from it.

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