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Biology Personal Statement

As with science in general, I find it interesting, often fascinating, and I feel that I could gain much from studying it at university University has always appealed to me because of the wealth of experiences it has to offer as a student. Although I enjoy English Literature and Chemistry: I am especially keen to study Biology and Psychology. For me, the main appeal of the course lies in the variety of topics that will be covered. The aspects of Biology I find particularly interesting are neuroscience and how the immune system functions and responds. In Psychology, I am very interested in what makes people unique and how different factors shape our personality

At present I am employed at McDonald's where within one year of work I got promoted to a Floor Manager. Then I rapidly got promoted as a shift Manager. Being at this position it gives me numerous of responsibilities. For instance I am responsible for the whole resturant, ensuring the good communication flow exists between the crew members, correct procedures are followed, restaurant goals are achieved and ensuring that every customer gets 100% customer satisfaction

This experience especially allowed me to use my interpersonal skills to the full. In my reference, my employer remarked on my willingness to learn, my enthusiasm and initiative as well as my ability to work independently and as part of a team

I have a variety of hobbies outside school. When time allows, I find playing football, tennis, and listening music, a change from my studies. My other pursuits include more physical activities such as attending the gym, dancing and cycling

At present, I am putting most of my effort into achieving the best grades in my 'course to allow me to reach the next target in my education. I understand that university life will be very challenging, but I am confident that it will give me the best chance to achieve my potential, and lead the way forward to a successful career. I hope that this application indicates that I am a promising candidate.

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There is no profile associated with this personal statement, as the writer has requested to remain anonymous.

Ratings

Statement rating:***

Comments

no.

This is not a good exemple. The first two sentances are dreadful, far too general.
The writer also mentions no details about what in particular they find interesting in biology.

i wouldnt mention that you

i wouldnt mention that you worked at macdonalds either!

At least he can spell

At least he can spell Mcdonalds!

Nice ps.

Nice ps.
Helped me to get the ideas flowing.
By the way, for the guest who posted on the 30/09/2007. You claim he didnt include which aspects he finds interesting about Biology.
Next time plz read more carefuly before judging.
"The aspects of Biology I find particularly interesting are neuroscience and how the immune system functions and responds."
Thanks

Not Bad

Very good in general I'm sure you'll recieve a positive response from the addmissions tutour, however this statement does look slightly short in context??

Nice

Even though this statement is clearly not that amazing, it did however made me a lot more confident about writing my own than ever! loll

whats wrong with macdonalds?

whats wrong with macdonalds?

talked waaaay to much about

talked waaaay to much about mcdonalds and not enough about biology.

sweeeetttttt geeezzzz

Dis is sik blud, think i gonna copy n paste it init

maccccyyyyyy ddddddd'sss

face it sweeeettttt geeeezzzz you aren't getting into any uni with that spelling and copying other poeples ps, maybe you would be more suited as a floor manager in mcdonalds?

sweeeetttt geeezzzzz

*people, i can spell init you obvs cnt so dnt giv it m8, im going oxford while ur gonna b wipein old grandadies batty

A few simple errors

'As with science in general, I find it interesting, often fascinating, and I feel that I could gain much from studying it at university University has always appealed to me because of the wealth of experiences it has to offer as a student. Although I enjoy English Literature and Chemistry: I am especially keen to study Biology and Psychology.'

I would like to point out a few simple errors within this paragraph. First of all the lack of punctuation between 'university University...' , you should always do simple checks before sending off your personal statement. Secondly, 'the wealth of experiences it has to offer as a student', the University is a student? No, you are a student, so either 'the wealth of experience it has to offer to students such as myself' or 'the wealth of experience it has to offer as a great University'. One final amendment is the fact that you have incorrectly used a colon, 'Although I enjoy English Literature and Chemistry: I am especially keen to study Biology and Psychology.' A commar would have been much more appropriate in that situation, and the colon seems out of place. My advice to any student thinking of writing a personal statement, is that you shouldn't make simple mistakes as this shows a lack of care or effort, and a lack of lingual skills.

You need to be more in depth

You need to be more in depth about why you want to study biology, simply saying 'I find these aspects interesting' is not enough, you ought to explain why they interest you, as to convery some enthusiasm and passion for the subject.

You spoke a lot about your job, without relating the skills it's taught you, to biology or even studying in general.

Also ending your statement with 'I hope that this application indicates that I am a promising candidate.' sounds cocky. You shouldn't have to tell them you're a promising candidate, it should just be clear from your statement.

ok start but needs a lot of

ok start but needs a lot of work. It's far too short and there are numerous grammar mistakes. Also the first sentence "I find it interesting, often fascinating," just sounds rather... Silly.

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