Got a university interview coming up this month? Or hoping to be invited to one soon?
We know this stage of the application process can be a big worry for UCAS applicants, but while there are many tips out there on how to perform well, there are also some sure-fire ways to get rejected.
#1 Wear scruffy clothes
Everyone knows the eccentric geniuses of this world lack basic personal hygiene and dress sense - how else would they have time to come up with their brilliant ideas?
Wearing tartan slippers, cut off shorts and a stained cardigan will show the admissions tutors I’m obviously far too busy finding a cure for cancer to concern myself with such trivial matters as my appearance.
#2 Arrive late
Important people never turn up for anything on time - they just expect everyone else to be punctual.
So if I arrive ten minutes late, the tutors will surely understand I have other places to be than a Medicine interview at Cambridge University.
Besides, people are always telling me these days it’s cool to be fashionably late. Right?
#3 Don’t prepare
Preparing for an interview is something only stupid people have to do.
The tutors know gifted candidates such as myself can always wow their audience, and are too tied up with solving the world’s problems to have time to prepare anyway.
Consequently, any rambling and incomprehensible answers will be hastily excused.
#4 Avoid answering the questions
Really smart people like me don’t answer other people's questions.
I either rebuff them with a better question of my own, or reply with something ingenious but irrelevant.
What better way to demonstrate intelligence?
The tutors will be impressed with my ability to outwit them, plus haven’t I already answered half of their questions in that annoying personal statement thingy?
#5 Appear bored and uninterested
Why should I waste my energy looking enthusiastic and positive about the course? It’s not like I’ve bothered to read what it actually involves or anything - I just want a career.
The tutors can see from my UCAS form that I’m a Nobel Prize winner in the making, so if they really want me at their university, they’ll offer me a place there and then.
#6 Use negative body language
I’m not here to become best buddies with the tutors, so there’s no point smiling or making eye-contact with them.
I’ll act my usual arrogant self, then there will be no doubt of my superiority over all the other applicants.
#7 Leave your mobile phone switched on
It’s not my fault I’m so awesome that my friends and colleagues always want to get hold of me.
By leaving my mobile on, the tutors will see how popular I am, and therefore what a great asset I will be to their university. There’s no way they’d turn me down now, is there?
Best of luck to anyone attending a university interview. Hopefully this post tells you what not to do, and how the opposite should lead to a successful application.
Got any questions or comments about my post? Please pop them below!