You know you've been in university too long when...

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A few funny comments I've come across about university.

You know you've been in university too long when...
Before I came to university I wish I had known...
Top 10 reasons that university is like playschool
You know you've been out of university too long if...
You know you've finished university and are living at home if...

You know you've been in university too long when...

You actually like doing laundry at home where the washing machines work.
You consider McDonald's "real food"
Two miles is not too far to walk for a party.
You'd rather clean than study especially if an essay is due.
"Oh shit how did it get so late!" comes out of your mouth at least once a night.
Parents' cooking become something you desire, not avoid.
You schedule your classes around sleep habits and soap operas especially neighbours and Diagnosis Murder.
You know the pizza boy by name and don't even need to read the menu.
You go to sleep when it's light and get up when it's dark.
Looking out the window is a form of entertainment.
Prank phone calls become funny again.
You start thinking and sounding like your friends and your accent becomes a hybrid of West Country, Surrey and general Northern.
Highlighters are the coolest things on earth.
Rearranging your room is your favourite pastime.
The weekend lasts from Thursday to Monday.
4:00 AM is still early on the weekends
You wear dirty socks three times in a row and think nothing of it
Minesweeper is more than a game, it's a way of life
You schedule your classes around sleep habits and soaps
You live for getting mail
It feels weird to take a shower without shoes on
You start thinking and sounding like your roommate
Rearranging your room is your favorite pastime
You find out milk crates had so many uses

Before I came to university I wish I had known...

That it didn't matter how late my first lecture was, I'd still sleep through it.
That I could change so much and barely realize it.
That you can love a lot of people in a lot of different ways.
No matter how 'cool' you were in school, no one here cares.
That if you wear polyester everyone will ask why you are so dressed up.
That every clock on campus shows a different time.
That if you got good a-levels, so what? It doesn't matter here.
That I would go to a party the night before an exam or essay due-date.
That Chem Labs/Architecture studios take up more time than all my other classes put together.
That you can know everything and fail a test.
That you can know nothing and ace a test.
That I could get used to almost anything found out about my friends.
That most of my education would be obtained outside of lectures.
That friendship is more than getting drunk together but that's still funny......!
That Sunday is a figment of the world's imagination.
That Psychology is really Biology, that Biology is really Chemistry, that Chemistry is really Physics and that Physics is really Maths.

Top 10 reasons that university is like playschool

1. You cry for your mother.
2. You cross the street without looking for cars.
3. Snack time is a necessity.
4. You bundle up for the outdoors without caring what you look like (because everyone else looks as stupid as you do).
5. You stay at home and play games with your friends.
6. You wear your backpack on both shoulders.
7. You wear big mittens. (EH?!)
8. Playing in the snow is a legitimate activity. (hell yeah!!)
9. You take naps.
10. You look forward to cheese toasties.

You know you've been out of university too long if...

Your potted plants stay alive.
Having sex in a single bed is absurd.
You keep more food than beer in the fridge
6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep
You don't volunteer for clinical trials at a jab.
You know all of the people sleeping in your house.
You can remember what you did three weeks ago.
Informative TV does not include Richard and Judy.
he bank manager doesn't write threatening letters any more.
You carry an umbrella.
Seven-day benders are no longer realistic
A fire in the kitchen is not a laugh.
You have standing orders and direct debits.
The heating works in your house.
Your friends marry and divorce instead of get together and break-up.
You don't get drunk at home, to save money, before going to pub.
You go from 130 days of holidays to 21
Jeans and a jumper no longer qualify as 'dressed up'
You're the one calling the police this time all because those damn useless kids next door don't know how to turn down the damn stereo.
You get out of bed in the morning even if it's raining.
Washing up is not an annual ritual.
You have hoovered.
You don't know what time the kebab shop closes anymore.
Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
Youd on't get ideas for drinks from local tramps.
You don't put half-finished curries in the fridge to eat later.
You don't spend half your day strategically planning pub-crawls.
Breaking the law means doing 40 in a 30 zone.
You no longer have a strange attraction to road signs when drunk.
Sleeping in the lounge is a no-no.
You can't persuade your flatmates to 'Drink till dawn'.
You don't spend Wednesday afternoons in thep ub.
You always know where you are when you wake up.
You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.
You keep more food than beer in the fridge
Informative TV does not include Richard and Judy.
You don’t go to Safeway with all your friends.
You don’t put half-finished curries in the fridge to eat later.
You don’t know what time the kebab shop closes anymore.
You no longer have a strange attraction to road signs when drunk.
A fire in the kitchen is not a laugh.
A £3 bottle of wine is no longer ‘pretty good stuff’.
You go to the chemist for Panadol and antacids, not condoms and pregnancy test kits.
You can remember the name of the person you wake up next to.
You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
You don’t have mice living in your kitchen.
Grocery lists are longer than pot noodles and cans of lager.
You don’t go to Liquor Save to buy vodka.
You hoover regularly.
Breaking the law means doing 40 in a 30 zone.
“I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again”.
Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
You don’t experiment with banned substances.
You don’t get drunk at home, to save money, before going to a pub.
You don’t find a ‘dump’ left in the toilet hysterically funny anymore.

You know you've finished university and are living at home if...

1. you don't know anyone in your home town anymore
2. you haven't had sex in your own bed in months
3. you don't eat pasta every night
4. it matters when you curse under your breath
5. the only topic of conversation is "what are you DOING with your life???"