Getting Drunk On The Cheap
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10 ways to spend less and drink more by Dani Robinson
As a student your funds are limited. Limited to the point where you're living, 6 out of 7 days off baked beans. Then, for a treat, you get a McDonalds on the 7th day. A major part of university life is centred around drinking, drinking and, you guessed it! Drinking. However, being on such a tight income doesn't mean that you can't partake in the delights of the alcohol-fuelled culture. It does mean that you can't go out every night drinking double JD's and fancy cocktails with names like Screaming Orgasm. It just means you've got to learn the art of "Penniless Piss Ups".
Here are a few ways to get you pretty drunk without breaking the bank. Some of them are less savoury than others, but when you're spending £10 instead of £100 to get drunk you won't be in any state to notice!
1. Purchase a hipflask
Hipflasks are those things that usually old men and teachers carry around to "wet their whistle" during games of golf and Biology lessons. Not very cool you may think. However these people although old are very wise and have probably had a few times themselves where they've not had a lot of cash. Take a leaf out of their book, if you buy a hipflask or a Thermos you can carry your own, pre-paid booze with you anywhere. Some of them even come with things to attach them to your leg so you don't have to worry about hiding it in your handbag or in your pockets. Fill one of these up with your own £3 a bottle Tesco Value vodka and scurry off to the toilets when you need a swig. To avoid suspicion order a coke up at the bar, drink half and sneakily pour in some of the contents. You can easily pour in a double, which will save you around £4 a drink! Now, wouldn't your parents be pleased at you saving all that money?
2. Shop around
Even though you probably visit all the pubs in your local area on a girls or lads' night-out, you're probably too drunk to realise how much things cost. During lunch periods or in your own spare time go to each pub (not all at once as you will be too drunk to understand what they are talking about) and ask how much your drink of choice is. Write it down and stick it up on the fridge in your halls detailing the pub, how far it is away, the price of the drink (or drinks) and marks out of ten for atmosphere. This way you have a definitive and personal guide to what pubs sell what, how much it costs and will it economical in terms of distance etc. After checking the bank balance and talking to your flatmates, you can make an informed decision as to which pub you will be going to tonight and how much you can spend.
3. Set a limit and stick to it
We all know the story, at the cash point you took out £50, "just in case" and you ended up spending it all. You've got no money left for your bus pass to university and you end up missing a week's lectures. DON'T let this happen. Set yourself a limit before you go out, only take this amount of money and leave all cash cards and credit cards at home. Take £10 for emergencies and don't TOUCH IT. If anything, give it to a trustworthy friend to look after so it doesn't get spent. If you run out of money either roll your skirt up and make a beeline for a guy wearing an YSL shirt or get a taxi home. Your head and stomach as well as your bank account will thank you for it tomorrow.
4. Avoid taking taxis or fill them to the brim
Clubs are expensive. It's a well-known student fact. Not only does it cost around £6 to get in, they are usually in the middle of nowhere and at 3am, the taxis are charging double time and you are spending £30 to get home. Not fun. Most universities run a night bus so look into that, see if it goes to your favourite haunts and what time it comes. Again if it leaves 15 minutes before the club closes, take it. It's probably one drink and you'll miss the rush at the cloakroom! Alternatively, if you are taking a taxi, try and find as many people to go to the same club as you. If you fill a taxi with yourself and 3 other people and it costs £30, that's less than a tenner per person. Also if you manage to organize a big night out with lots of people then you can phone a taxi company and see if you can get a special discount for making a pre-booking and a large group. Or you can just go to the closest club to your halls!
5. Spend the night in
What?! Spend the night in? Are you mad? Well no, it seems boring but if you get your friends to come over with a "Bring a bottle " policy as well as ganging together some cash and getting all the bargains that are to be had in your local Co-Op, it is possible to have a nice gathering (not a party) and get merrily pissed for cheap. Also because they are all people you know there won't be any awkward silences where music should be. It's also perfect for drinking games and it's advisable to get a camera (Blackmail purposes). Plus there is no throwing out time, just as long as you don't get any complaints!
6. Find your local 'Spoons
Ah, yes Wetherspoons. Cheap and cheerful. It's the best place to go before clubbing. You can drink your own body weight in Czechoslovakian Budweiser without spending more than £10. They also often have buy one get one free with shots and Alco pops. So what they don't have an entertainment license, I'm sure the rest of the pub would love to hear your rendition of Whitney Houston's classic- I Will Always Love You! Alternatively, for a few pence more Q bars are good and they have got entertainment licenses, inclusive of video jukeboxes and pool tables. They are also still very cheap!
7. Make yourself drop dead gorgeous
This is one for the girls. Get on your best glad rags and tart yourself up to the extreme. Tarty is good. When men are drunk they lose all sense of their wallets and will gladly buy you a drink. Though a note to the wise, go up with them to the bar (date rape is still a problem) and after they buy you the drink thank them and say "I better go find my boyfriend" and run off as fast as your 6 inch stilettos will let you. It's not half as fun if you have to snog a minger!
8. Start drinking as early as you can
This one is probably best kept for the weekend as I'm sure lecturers, although used to it, would resent anybody turning up for a lecture on the "Rise and fall of the Ottoman Empire" stinking of Special Brew. Buy in lots of cheap alcohol the day before and every time you want something to drink, down a shot of vodka. Do it slowly however, so that for the majority of the day you are happily tipsy. One per half an hour should do the trick with a break from 5 to 7. Then with your trusty hipflask, go out! Because you have been drinking all day it should be easier to get into and take less time to get really drunk.
9. Don't eat anything for 3 hours before you go out
Attempt this with caution, if you get very drunk and are sick, more likely
than not you'll throw up your stomach fluids. And, if one has been drinking
WKD blue or strange cocktails, it will be a strange colour, (Speaking from
an experience when my friends phoned an ambulance because they thought I was
throwing up blood, it was just the cocktails I'd been drinking).
If you have nothing in your stomach to absorb the alcohol, then you will be
drunk quicker. This is also useful if you are trying to sober up, eat some
bread. It will make you become slightly more sober.
10. When you're at home for the holidays, raid your parents' drink cupboard
Yes, I know it's mean but they should have given you more cash in the first place!!!!!!
Note: If questioned say it's for a class, e.g. Chemistry-The Affects of Spirits on the nervous system, Psychology-How people react when they see people drinking in the street, Art-Labels on bottles
You get the idea?